Police Blotter

Fake Turkey

  • Ryan Halverson was being booked for public intoxication in Freeport, Texas when he leaned forward and licked Sgt. Jay Newton on the face. Halverson evidently found Sgt. Newton to be tasty, because he tried to lick him a second time before the sergeant stepped out of the way. [Link]
  • Body Of Christ snatched from church, held hostage by University of Central Florida student. [Link]
  • 5,000 gallons of healthy, all natural molasses spilled on highway in Sugar Land, Texas. [Link]
  • From Utah: After gesturing to the 22-year-old Vitaly Kovtun to roll down his window, passenger Stephen Cox asked, “Excuse me, sir, do you have any Grey Poupon?” Kovtun responded, police charge, by pulling a handgun from his glove compartment, cocking the weapon, and leveling it at the prankster’s auto. “Here’s your Grey Poupon, roll your fucking windows up,” Kovtun said, according to a probable cause affidavit. [Link]
  • “According to a Lebanon, IN Police Department news release, Katherine Gunther, 36, was performing a Wiccan “ceremony of thanks” in Oak Hill Cemetery around 12:15 a.m. Saturday when she ran the blade through her left foot. She said in an interview Monday that she’d had a run of good luck recently and wanted to give thanks with the rite.”
  • Police have arrested 18-year-old James L. Harris for stealing at least three county buses and driving them on their routes. According to Miami-Dade police, Harris would take the buses from several Miami-Dade Transit bus depots in the county and drive the buses on their routes, picking up and dropping off passengers along the way. He would then return the buses at the end of the day. [Link]
  • The son of former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani is suing Duke University, claiming he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team. The lawsuit claims the coach has interferred with Giuliani’s efforts toward becoming a professional golfer. [Link]